Dog Haiku

Author Unknown

I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.

I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be

Today I sniffed
Many dog butts – I celebrate
By kissing your face.

I sound the alarm!
Paperboy – come to kill us all –
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Mailman Fiend – come to kill us all –
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Meter reader – come to kill us all –
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Garbage man – come to kill us all –
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Neighbor’s cat – come to kill us all!
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I lift my leg and
Wiz on each bush. Hello, Spot –
Sniff this and weep.

How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle.

I hate my choke chain –
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!

Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot – no greater bliss – well,
Maybe chasing cats.

Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much I do.

Dig under fence – why?
Because it’s there. Because it’s
There. Because it’s there.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.

You are my stamp pad
The mud I rolled in makes nice
Patterns on white shirts.

Squirrels, birds, and cats
Run everywhere, taunting me
I must chase them all.

It is morning now
I lick your sleeping face
Wake up – play with me!

I see my human
Thus I must take wing and fly
Is my name “Down, dog!”?

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